Coping with Grief

We cannot imagine what Grief feels like ......
until a loved one dies.  
and then your life will be changed forever

They say that death and taxes are the only two things we can be sure of. There should be three things as grief is something that will affect all of us in varying forms.
But there is so much more to a person's death as there is grief. 

Grief can rip you apart and make you numb, for others it is a constant dull ache. Some feel are overloaded with emotions and others have physical pain. Some of us have all of the above.

It is different for each of us. It’s hard to guess just how you may react when someone you love dies and it is important not to compare yourself to others.

Whether it was an unexpected  death or they were unwell - grief will still be the same.

I have worked with families who have started the process of grieving while still nursing their loved one. 

It may hit you at their funeral or memorial or you may feel grief years later. I have worked with clients in my coaching business who have not allowed themselves to grieve until years later. Others I have seem absolutely overcome with grief at the funeral.

​There is not one size fits all when it comes to grief.

---

These are seven Stages of Grief that you may experience. Not everyone feels all of these and not necessarily in this order:

1. SHOCK, DENIAL & DISBELIEF
   Often you feel numb and can't believe ti has happened.  It is as though your mind is not allowing it to really sink in.  Shock provides a natural emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once.I have known people to have this for weeks and months
2. PAIN & GUILT
   Unbelievable pain can hit you when the shock wears off.  This can be gradual of all of sudden it can knock you over. 
   You can be filled with overwhelmed with guilt. All of the could haves and the should haves. You may feel guilty that you are alive and they are not. This is all part of the normal process. It s important to acknowledge these feelings. 
3. NEGOTIATING & ANGER
   Anger can creep in many ways. You may feel it rise up in you and you may want to get it out. Try your best not to redirect this anger to another person-or yourself.  Going to the gym, talking to a friend or grief counsellor may help. Often you will ask "Why me?" What did I do to deserve this?"  You may also try to negotiate with "the powers that be"  to change it all.  "I promise I will volunteer my time every week if you just make the pain go away or bring them back" 
4. DEPRESSION, LOST IN THE PAST, LONELINESS
   You may feel things are getting back on track then you find yourself caught up in the past. You may feel a huge sense of sadness and the emotions can move into depression. If you need medication, counselling to get through this stage - take these options. This is when the true state of the loss can hit you. You may feel like no one understands what you are going through it can be very lonely. 
5. THE SHIFT
   Things will calm down a little. You will be able to do basic tasks and not constantly think of your loved one and the pain you were/are in.
6. ADAPTING                                                                                                        You will find periods when're you feel you are functioning normally for short or long periods. You will feel like you make decisions and that you are having some sense of your life gain. You will be able to talk about your loved one without feeling overwhelmed. 
7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE FOR THE FUTURE
   In this final stage reality has hit home.  Acceptance means you have hope and belief that there is a  way forward. You will feel like making plans and you will be able to smile and laugh again. Joy will return. 

Know that you are not alone and there are support and bereavement  groups out there.

Ask your doctor for local numbers and contacts

If you want to share some inspiration or tips that worked for you during your grieving process please feel free to contact me so I can share on this page. 
​
​All correspondence will be kept confidential 
 ♡ Jade Kyles - Timaru Celebrant ​

---