Wedding Tips with Jade - Writing your own wedding vows
In my experience, couples can feel a bit of stress when it comes to writing their own vows. Take a few minutes to read some of the top tips I share with my couples.
"Let's write our own wedding vows!"
It seemed like such a good idea at the time ... but as you sit down at your laptop you don't know where to start. You google "How to write your own vows" but there is so many articles offering tips it can feel pretty over whelming.
So, how do you get the words out that describe the feelings in your heart?
My words of advise - Keep it Simple and talk to your celebrant if you are feeling stressed, overwhelmed or confused about where to start. This is a joyous time and your celebrant is their to support you both. I offer to assist one or both in writing their vows if needed. I also ask that they be sent to me and I have a copy that I print off. You can read your vows from "upside down view" from your celebrants' folder or have your own cards. I check that they are roughly the same length and they tone is the same. These words are precious as they are straight from the couples heart.
These are the guidelines I ask my couples to consider.
It seemed like such a good idea at the time ... but as you sit down at your laptop you don't know where to start. You google "How to write your own vows" but there is so many articles offering tips it can feel pretty over whelming.
So, how do you get the words out that describe the feelings in your heart?
My words of advise - Keep it Simple and talk to your celebrant if you are feeling stressed, overwhelmed or confused about where to start. This is a joyous time and your celebrant is their to support you both. I offer to assist one or both in writing their vows if needed. I also ask that they be sent to me and I have a copy that I print off. You can read your vows from "upside down view" from your celebrants' folder or have your own cards. I check that they are roughly the same length and they tone is the same. These words are precious as they are straight from the couples heart.
These are the guidelines I ask my couples to consider.
- TALK TO YOUR FIANCEE - Have a deep heartfelt talk about your relationship. Share what you love about each other and what you are looking forward to doing together in the future. It will give you some inspiration and a focus on what you may want to put your vows.
- REFLECT ALONE - Find a quiet spot and allow your thoughts to drift down memory lane. Think about how you met, your first kiss, think about how they have impacted your life.
- GET STARTED EARLY - It is never too soon to start writing your vows. It is not something that you can (or should) whip up the morning of your wedding. This is your time to tell your soon to be wife/husband/partner what they mean to you. Often couples will change them, rewrite them, add sentences in, take sentences out until it feels just right for them
- TONE - Think about the tone you want for your vows. The tone should represent you BOTH. Do you want something romantic and tear-jerking? Are you a quirky couple who love to laugh and want something fun and punchy? Whatever you do, decide on the tone together. It won't flow as well, if one is pledging their undying love and pouring out their heart and the other is telling a funny story and say they love the way you snore at night. Discuss this together when you both have 15 minutes spare to concentrate on each other. It ensures you are both on the right page.
- LENGTH - It is important that you both decide on how long each of your vows should roughly be. If one person has said two lines in 30 seconds and the other is still talking after 15 minutes and can make you both feel uncomfortable. Remember your will each be reading them out loud in front of your friends and family ( or you can ask your celebrant to read them for you). Your vows DON'T HAVE TO BE LONG, you can just have one sentences each, if that is what you both want.
- INSPIRATION - Find inspiration from others or create your own inspiration. Take yourself off with your fiancee on to a romantic evening/weekend. Upon your return voice record all the wonderful things you love about them. Keep the recording and replay when you about to write your vows.
- BE SINCERE AND TRUE TO YOUR FEELINGS - Write from your heart. The promises you are making are for each other.
- DON'T WORRY ABOUT WHAT OTHERS THINK - Your vows are written for your fiancee. It doesn't matter what others think. You have a partner who loves YOU and you both know what makes YOUR relationship so fantastic. Your guests at your wedding are there to celebrate your wedding day.
- READING OUT LOUD - As a general rule smaller weddings (under 30 people) don't have to have a sound system. This depends on where your ceremony is. If you are outside, and there is breeze, even the most accomplished speakers' voice can get lost in the wind. Your celebrant should be a confident public speaker with good voice projection. Couples are not often used to speaking in public. When it is your wedding day and emotions are flowing it can be a little more difficult to get the words out. If you are reading your vows out loud in front of your family and friends, remember they will want to hear what you are saying too. Your venue/celebrant may have a microphone. Its a good idea to hear your voice through the microphone/sound system BEFORE the big day. Perfect time is to try it out at the rehearsal ( if you are having one) or ask the venue to try out the sound system in the weeks leading up to your special day. If there is no sound system, my best advise - Practice, practice, practice. That way you get used to the words and will have your head up and speak out better instead of head down reading a card. You may even want to memorise your own vows and not read a card ( but remember your celebrant need s a copy of what you have memorised, just in case..) Record yourself on your phone and play back. Not many of us like hearing our own voices but take note of what you hear. Do you need to slow down? Speak up?
- EXPECTATION - Don't put pressure on yourself. Chances are you most probably are not an author, poet or actor/actress so don't expect yourself ( or your finance) to be one! You are you. A pretty wonderful person that someone loves so much that they want to marry. That is priceless.
Your celebrant is there to support you.
You are not in this alone, this is one of the most special days in your life.
If you decide it is all too much you can ask your celebrant if than can write your vows for you.
For myself, I already have a lot of content on their love story. I will have a phone conversation and ask some leading questions. I will them send the vows to them to confirm they like the content. And voila all done!
The only speaking you have to legally say in New Zealand is "I (your name) take you ( their name) to be my legally wedded husband/wife/partner" ( or words to that affect). The rest doesn't matter!
You are not in this alone, this is one of the most special days in your life.
If you decide it is all too much you can ask your celebrant if than can write your vows for you.
For myself, I already have a lot of content on their love story. I will have a phone conversation and ask some leading questions. I will them send the vows to them to confirm they like the content. And voila all done!
The only speaking you have to legally say in New Zealand is "I (your name) take you ( their name) to be my legally wedded husband/wife/partner" ( or words to that affect). The rest doesn't matter!
Relax and enjoy this wonderful time. If you want to share some inspiration or tips that worked for you please feel free to contact me.
I would love to hear from you.
Happy Planning ♡
Jade Kyles - Timaru Celebrant
I would love to hear from you.
Happy Planning ♡
Jade Kyles - Timaru Celebrant
